


Internet Personality

by fallingskys



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Dysphoria, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 04:24:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingskys/pseuds/fallingskys





	Internet Personality

It was a little thing, you didn’t even care, at least that’s what you told yourself. The world “her” glaring back at you on your screen. Sure, you could ask them to fix it but then you’d seem like a jerk or something, something you couldn’t name stopped you from saying anything and caused you to keep refreshing at looking at that word wondering how many people had seen it and now thought you were a girl.

You felt pressure in your throat that hurt and you let it, not able to cry but not able to look away either. Click. Click. You were back at the page again, god why couldn’t you look away from the page? It was an accidental mishap, it was over the internet and it wasn’t like anyone could specifically tell what gender you were over that.

“They could have said them if they weren’t sure,” a little voice inside your head tells you, trying to make you feel better, like it wasn’t your fault that they thought you were a completely different gender. That was the thing, they had to have been sure because they hadn’t said “they” it was “she”. She, she, she. Echoing in your head and making you miserable.

You ached to do some kind of activity, anything to distract your body from what it was feeling and what you looked like on the outside. It was different from being at the store and someone accidentally saying, “Have a nice day m’am!” because they could see you then. If someone couldn’t see you and assumed-.

You closed the page, logged out, and deleted the notification you’d gotten. You didn’t want to look at the screen anymore and you didn’t want to wallow, you knew you would anyways but at least the offending post wasn’t glaring back at you from behind your screen anymore.

You set your laptop on the ground, then thought of a better idea. You pushed it under your bed, took it back, and put it into your drawer next to your bed, that was better. Slightly, that is. You sat back down on your bed, legs crossed like you were in preschool, hands clenching the opposite sides of your shirt and stared at the space in front of your legs thinking about everything.

That’s how 2D found you, staring hurt into the tiny space in front of you on the bed you shared. He’d walked through the door excited to see you and started to talk before realizing almost immediately that something was wrong and stopped at the entrance of the door.

“You alrigh luv?” He asked and you didn’t even bother to look up.

“Do I talk affeminent to you?” You asked, but that wasn’t the right question, you knew what you wanted to say but you couldn’t make yourself yet.

“Wha do ya mean?” He asked and you could use the confusion in his voice.

“I said, do I talk like a girl to you?” You forced yourself to look up at him, you weren’t exactly looking up at him but in the general direction of him.

Your eyes not really communicating properly with your brain as your vision blurred slightly and you looked at his legs, not able to look your boyfriend in the eyes.

“No, don’ really think girls speak in a certain way anyways, they’re all different. Where’d you get tha idea from?” He asked, walking over to sit next to you on the bed near the edge.

“You sure? It’s because I’m too upbeat isn’t it?” You sighed, “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing, who said you talk like a girl?” He asked again and you throw your legs over the bed in irritation, getting up and sitting yourself in the corner of the room.

“Nobody said it, they assumed it. Which is worse because that means they didn’t have a second thought about me. They KNEW I’m a girl D, without a doubt, they didn’t even have to check or ask,” You explain, getting more and more frustrated with yourself as you speak.

“Everyone used to call Noodle a boy when they saw her. Back when she was little, drove her nuts, can’t imagine what it’s like for you. And that was Noodle! You know Noodle, she likes to be real girly sometimes so she wen’ out in a dress and heels all dressed up with this blue makeup smudged on her eyes. This was when were were accepting an award or somefing, can’ really remember what it was an’ the guy called us up. Little Noodle up there lookin’ like she was on top o’ the world and then the guy says, ‘What’s it like bein’ an all boys band, ever get to rowdy there?’. Murdoc was tha’ close to poppin’ a punch righ in that guy’s face! Noodle ran off in tears an’-” He says.

“What does this story have to do with anything?” You ask, welcoming of the distraction but a little annoyed that he didn’t seem to care that you were in turmoil at the moment.

“The point is this guy mistaken Noodle in a dress an’ makeup for a guy! Tha’s crazy innit?” He asks and you nod slightly.

“He must have been blind,” You comment, feeling a little bit bad for Noodle.

“Exactly! Tha’s what I’m sayin’. If someone can mistake Noodle for a guy dressed like tha’ then maybe tha’s why they thought you were a girl. You don’ look anythin’ like that an’ it’s as crazy as what happened to Noodle. Sometimes people are real oblivious and wouldn’ know their left ‘and from their right,” He says and you crack a smile when you notice him nervously at his hands, sure that he was mentally checking himself to make sure he knew which was which.

“Thanks,” You say and get up.

“I don’t feel like going out today, can we stay in and watch those terrible zombie films you love so much instead?” You ask him, breaking out in a crooked grin at the offended look on his face.

“Those films are amazin’! I don’ know what you’re talkin’ bout, have you see ‘em?” He asks and you shake your head.

“You’ve made me watch them a million times, I’d sure hope so!” You tell him and sit next to him on the bed.

“You’re a good boyfriend, you know that? Even if you’re not the best at dealing with all of this,” You say, leaning your head against him and close your eyes.

“Nah, fink you’re the betta boyfriend. You know how to handle stuff a lot betta than I do, can’ even exist without trippin over my own shoelaces,” He says and you take his hand.

You can’t really communicate at the moment but you’re extremely grateful that he’s here with you and not leaving, he cares about you and knowing that means the world to you.

“Don’t discount yourself, shoelaces are a pretty hard enemy to defeat.” You tell him, getting up to put in whatever movie you first pick up, not really caring since you’re going to talk through it anyway.

You like the background noise and it’s comforting to have while you talk, a small little world in the background of your own as you complain or joke about anything and everything and your boyfriend showers you with compliments until they’re all real and the only thing people think about you. You can’t help but find yourself thinking that you could stay like that forever sometimes but like he always reminds you, he isn’t going anywhere and you know that you’ll have plenty of these moments stored in your memories soon to think about if something like that happens again but god, if you can’t wait for T.

As you do all this, he gets comfortable on the bed propping himself up with an insane amount of pillows while quickly texting Noodle to have them change the post that caused you to be so upset so when you eventually looked back on it, it’d be what it was should have been in the first place. “Him”.

You snuggle into 2D and he kisses your forehead absentmindedly and starts to talk about why dandelions should be considered flowers and eventually you two are laughing together, distracting from the dysphoria and when you stop at random he lets you talk or rant about how you feel, comforting you and trying to help the most he can, listening intently as if your words are the last thing he’ll ever hear. It’s nice and you wouldn’t trade it for the world.


End file.
